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Your gentle gaze like razor blades
Both cut me to the core
The shadows hide the lines you've crossed
Yet still I'm craving more

You're never who you seem to be
I don't know who you are
One moment you're the one I know
The next so very far

This dream in which we used to live
Uncertain now and bleak
Breathtaking as the cloudbreak is
Still havoc storms do wreak

My wild nightmare never ends
I cannot seem to wake
I'm desperate to find escape
Before I finally break

It's not you it's me I say
As hollow as it rings
No longer can I weather this
High time to test my wings

The words fall like an icy rain
Chilling, sharp, but true
Yet though I try to end it here
I'm still falling for you
Please do not use without my permission.
Comments are welcome and greatly appreciated. Any feedback is great to hear. What can I do better?

EDIT: I've been featured here: [link] Thank you so much!! :heart:
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:iconrandomlyinspired-21:
randomlyinspired-21 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Student Writer
This is really a wonderful poem and it's clear that you poured your heart into this and I like that very much. This really brought that chill down my spine and it's-a bucket of emotions! :heart:

I do feel like you force the rhyming just a bit, especially in the fourth stanza, which broke the flow a bit.
But other than that, you've done such a good job! :) :hug:
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Gracias :heart: and I will take a closer look at that
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:iconrandomlyinspired-21:
randomlyinspired-21 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student Writer
you're welcome! :heart:
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:iconblueblood27:
BlueBlood27 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Student General Artist
I completely agree with Sikizu. My heart speeds up and I can feel goose bumps rising and I forget how to breathe. You insert emotions, strong and moving with the tiniest details focused within your poems and stories. I feel like someone is able to understand how I feel and make things clearer at the same time.
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Seriously, I love you guys.
Reply
:iconbrandojones:
brandojones Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
You're so good with poems and writing. I see a bright future for you. =)
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Student Writer
Gracias :3
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:iconsikizu:
Sikizu Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I have to get used to my breath being taken away every time I read one of your poems. I really do.
Reply
:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Student Writer
Gracias :)
That's high praise
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:iconsikizu:
Sikizu Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well deserved high praise. I'm completely serious.
Reply
:iconmedoriko:
Medoriko Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Student Writer
This poem is fantastic. I don't generally like poems that rhyme (granted most of them do...but it's a personal dislike of mine.) but this is an exception. The way you use words conveys such a powerful meaning and evokes strong emotions easily. I think my favorite part is

It's not you it's me I say
As hollow as it rings
No longer can I weather this
High time to test my wings

You use words in such a clever way, it's lovely. The only thing I think could be improved on this poem would be some of parts are a bit 'cliche', I suppose. Or at least could be said in a more original way. Ones like:

Your gentle gaze like razor blades
Both cut me to the core

or

The words fall like an icy rain
Chilling, sharp, but true

But other than that, I find zero wrong with this poem and I love it. Keep up the great work! :)
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Student Writer
Muchas gracias.
Reply
:iconpoeticperfectionist:
poeticperfectionist Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2012   Writer
This is incredibly powerful, right from the start your rhyme and words pull me in. I love the lines Shadows hide the lines you've crossed and The words fall like an icy rain/Chilling, sharp, but true. They seem the most original and really resonated in my mind afterwards.

Throughout the poem I feel like it's really dancing off the tongue. However certain parts I've heard before [My heart no longer sings] and I would like to have seen some more new ideas. Maybe add in some nifty similes, assonances or personifications to spice it up amidst all the rhymes. This could be really fun to listen to.

It's still a lovely piece though, be proud and never stop writing (:
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Student Writer
Muchas gracias! I appreciate the constructive criticism; I need all the feedback I can get so that I can improve. :) I will definitely take your suggestions under consideration. :D
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:iconpoeticperfectionist:
poeticperfectionist Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012   Writer
You're welcome, I'm looking forward to seeing your improvements :D
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:iconsilvergabetha834:
silvergabetha834 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Professional General Artist
Powerful. I tried to date someone like this when I was younger. It made things very hard. The poem is well done.
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Student Writer
'Love is giving someone the power to destroy you...and trusting him or her not to.' I don't know who said that. But I think it's true.
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:iconsilvergabetha834:
silvergabetha834 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Professional General Artist
Love the quote. Yes, that is true. And someone worth your love won't hurt you, either. That's the truth.
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