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Submitted on
June 29, 2012
Submitted with Writer


23 (who?)
Your gentle gaze like razor blades
Both cut me to the core
The shadows hide the lines you've crossed
Yet still I'm craving more

You're never who you seem to be
I don't know who you are
One moment you're the one I know
The next so very far

This dream in which we used to live
Uncertain now and bleak
Breathtaking as the cloudbreak is
Still havoc storms do wreak

My wild nightmare never ends
I cannot seem to wake
I'm desperate to find escape
Before I finally break

It's not you it's me I say
As hollow as it rings
No longer can I weather this
High time to test my wings

The words fall like an icy rain
Chilling, sharp, but true
Yet though I try to end it here
I'm still falling for you
Please do not use without my permission.
Comments are welcome and greatly appreciated. Any feedback is great to hear. What can I do better?

EDIT: I've been featured here: [link] Thank you so much!! :heart:
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randomlyinspired-21 Nov 5, 2012  Student Writer
This is really a wonderful poem and it's clear that you poured your heart into this and I like that very much. This really brought that chill down my spine and it's-a bucket of emotions! :heart:

I do feel like you force the rhyming just a bit, especially in the fourth stanza, which broke the flow a bit.
But other than that, you've done such a good job! :) :hug:
violetense Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Gracias :heart: and I will take a closer look at that
randomlyinspired-21 Nov 14, 2012  Student Writer
you're welcome! :heart:
BlueBlood27 Nov 1, 2012  Student General Artist
I completely agree with Sikizu. My heart speeds up and I can feel goose bumps rising and I forget how to breathe. You insert emotions, strong and moving with the tiniest details focused within your poems and stories. I feel like someone is able to understand how I feel and make things clearer at the same time.
violetense Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Seriously, I love you guys.
brandojones Oct 30, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
You're so good with poems and writing. I see a bright future for you. =)
violetense Oct 30, 2012  Student Writer
Gracias :3
Sikizu Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I have to get used to my breath being taken away every time I read one of your poems. I really do.
violetense Oct 29, 2012  Student Writer
Gracias :)
That's high praise
Sikizu Oct 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well deserved high praise. I'm completely serious.
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