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Submitted on
July 5, 2012
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i see it in your eyes i see the fading of the light
i see it in your stance i see you're giving up the fight
it's not the end so don't you dare consider giving in
keep your chin up let it show this time they will not win

they cannot keep you down can't see that you're too strong to bend
they say that you are breaking but i say that wounds will mend
love can heal a broken heart and faith can form a shield
against the sharp and cutting words of those who'd see you yield

for they are wrong and we are strong enough to find the light
don't fear the darkness closing in i'll see you through this night
don't be afraid to come to me if you need help to stand
proud and strong you'll prove them wrong i offer you my hand

i will be there for you always have been always will
though they may say that no one loves you i will stay with you until
the end of time please listen close you mean the world to me
i cannot stand to see you chained please let me set you free
This was intended for you. You know who you are and that's all that needs to be said. The offer stands.

Please do not use without my permission.
Comments are welcome and greatly appreciated. Any feedback is great to hear. What can I do better?
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:iconthedarkenedbride:
TheDarkenedBride Feb 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I hope this poem worked for whom it was aimed at :hug:
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Jul 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
A wonderful piece this is. It has a beautiful meter; starting from the first stanza (the way I read it) I felt as if i was reading more of a rhythm that a poem/. It worked beautifully. Then going on the same rhythm was maintained.

Now the theme, it is well handled. It is not at all obscure and dictates a beautiful story. It is of hope and not giving up and you have put yourself forward as a savior. If one wants, they can get a lot more meaning from this work. At times I do have to say, it seems like you were in a "hurry" to rhyme or maintain meter but that is no major issue.

The rhyming is beautifully done as well. like I said before, the poem flows.

As for the title; in the start i was doubtful why you choose the title and near the end I had similar doubts. But after the final line it all made sense.

I just had problems with the small 'i''s; for me they were very distracting.

Over all a beautiful work with a nice theme and wonderful meter and rhyme. Good job!
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Aug 23, 2012  Student Writer
Muchas gracias and thank you for the suggestions. :)
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are welcome :)
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:iconmoonlightwriter13:
MoonlightWriter13 Jul 7, 2012  Student General Artist
Beautiful.
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Aug 23, 2012  Student Writer
Muchas gracias.
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