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Submitted on
September 15, 2012
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[in some vague fashion]
she was aware of the  i m p e n d i n g  blow
but time seemed irrelevant [at the moment]:
struck by a strange--elegance?--
as his palm descended [with all the grace
of a tree felled by lightning];
the m.e.a.s.u.r.e.d, deliberate fall,
almost majestic in its resignation--
c u l m i n a t i n g  with
a CRACK of thunder and
a bolt of pain.

Please do not use without my permission.
Comments are welcome and greatly appreciated. Any feedback is great to hear. What can I do better?

EDIT: I've been featured! [link] and [link] Thank you so much!! :heart:
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:iconirelelengar:
IrelElengar Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Student Writer
I really like the imagery in it! Keep up the good work. :)
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Student Writer
Muchas gracias para feedback :)
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:iconirelelengar:
IrelElengar Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2012  Student Writer
Wow. I absolutely love this. You're really nailing it here - and the formatting just makes it magnificent.
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Student Writer
Gracias :heart:
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I love your style! And as for improvement, in this particular poem, there's nothing I can see! Straight to my collections :)
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Student Writer
Muchas gracias :heart:
Reply
:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
De nada :) :heart:
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2012
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
Reply
:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2012  Student Writer
Muchas gracias!
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