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Submitted on
June 20, 2012
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I am fifteen
but my body and
mutinous mind
are not mine.

I have scars on my arms
and memories of dark beauty--
bitter beads of blood
seeping shadows.

slide the knife
unzip my skin
and step outside--
who would I be
and how would I look?

perhaps I'm hollow?

what if--
underneath all this--
I'm not actually real?

maybe I was never here
just a dream
or was it a nightmare?

everybody wants me to
act my age
but I'm fifteen
so God only knows what that means.
not a child
not so innocent
not an adult
still too young.

I have to learn to talk to adults
and make phone calls to strangers
and manage my money
and drive a car.
I have to take care of the twins
teach them and protect them
and still be their friend.

I have to grow up soon
but i don't know if I'm ready...
My English assignment was to compose an original poem modeled after "Hanging Fire," by Audre Lorde.

This is the original work after which mine was to be modeled:

I am fourteen
and my skin has betrayed me
the boy I cannot live without
still sucks his thumb
in secret
how come my knees are
always so ashy
what if I die
before morning
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.

I have to learn how to dance
in time for the next party
my room is too small for me
suppose I die before graduation
they will sing sad melodies
but finally
tell the truth about me
There is nothing I want to do
and too much
that has to be done
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.

Nobody even stops to think
about my side of it
I should have been on Math Team
my marks were better than his
why do I have to be
the one
wearing braces
I have nothing to wear tomorrow
will I live long enough
to grow up
and momma's in the bedroom
with the door closed.


Please do not use without my permission.
Comments are welcome and greatly appreciated. Any feedback is great to hear. What can I do better?

EDIT: I've been featured! [link] and [link] and [link] Thank you so much!! :heart:
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:iconbaronkastigrobeefdip:
BaronKastigrOBeefdip Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very engaging!
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:iconblueblood27:
BlueBlood27 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Student General Artist
Summary of my life. Beautiful!
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Gracias :heart:
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:iconbrandojones:
brandojones Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
I was just thinking of you before you posted this.
Great poem. :clap:
It's sad because it's true. I can relate in ways also. :hug:
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Gracias y :hug:
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:iconbrandojones:
brandojones Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
;)
:glomp:
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Student Writer
Muchas gracias!! :heart:
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconmoonlightwriter13:
MoonlightWriter13 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2012  Student General Artist
Beautiful, and sad.... You're an amazing writer/poet, Becky. <3
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